He does not have a 'Beer Gut' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY'. He is not A Bad Dancer - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN'. He does not get lost all the time - HE 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS'. He is not Balding - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION'. He does not act like a total A** - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION'.